探讨人际关系问题

Welcome, Maria. Last time we touched upon some of the challenges you're facing in your relationships. Could you elaborate a bit more on what's been most difficult for you lately?

Hi, Dr. Chen. Yes, it's mostly with my sister, Sarah. We used to be so close, but now it feels like we're constantly on different pages. Every conversation seems to lead to an argument, and I just don't know how to bridge the gap.

I see. It sounds like there's a lot of frustration and perhaps a sense of loss given how close you once were. Can you give me an example of a recent argument or disagreement and what it was about?

Well, just last week, I offered her some advice about her job search, and she completely shut me down, saying I was judging her. I felt hurt because I was only trying to help, but she interpreted it as criticism.

That's a classic scenario where intention and perception can diverge significantly. It sounds like you had good intentions, offering support. How do you usually react when she interprets your help as criticism?

I usually get defensive. I try to explain my side, but it just seems to escalate things. Then I get frustrated and sometimes just... give up on the conversation. It feels like walking on eggshells.

It's understandable to feel defensive when your intentions are misunderstood, and walking away might feel like the only option to avoid more conflict. Have you ever tried to validate her feelings first, even if you disagree with her interpretation?

Honestly, no. My immediate reaction is to defend myself. What do you mean by validating her feelings?

It means acknowledging her perspective without necessarily agreeing with it. Something like, 'I hear that you feel judged by what I said,' or 'It sounds like my advice came across as critical, and I understand why that might be upsetting.' This can often de-escalate the situation and open a door for a more productive conversation.

That's a different approach for sure. It feels counter-intuitive to acknowledge something I don't agree with, but I can see how it might prevent the immediate defensiveness. I'm willing to try it.